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Having observed every single New Year’s custom made mention of on the internet, including but not limited to: the ritual hurling of the fortuitous pomegranate upon the threshold of the host’s place of abode, closely followed by the forensic collection of its seeds with tweezers, lest they harden in the sun and become a permanent fixture, the ritual playing of μπιρίμπα and κουμ-καν with the middle-aged affluent friends of the host’s parents, who always wear matching Versace shirts over white jeans and annually undertake a house crawl, arriving uninvited at house after house of their acquaintances precisely at the time that food is served, without ever inviting anyone into their own, the customary rigging of the Vasilopita so that the φλουρί is found by the aggrieved daughter-in-law who refers to it as a ‘lucky coin,’ before posting a photo of herself dancing on the kitchen table with a glass of prosecco in one hand and the coin in the other on social media, so as to preserve the moment for posterity, I decided it was time for something new: The reading of the oracular bones in order to determine our collective fates in the year ahead....